I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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