Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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