whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
