i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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