Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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