Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
