Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
