dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
