I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
