Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
