I wannas sexs uuuuu
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
