She's JV to your varsity
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize