hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
