you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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