Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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