Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
