What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
