If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize