i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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