why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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