i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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