I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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