Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
