I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
