I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
