i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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