i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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