At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
