Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
