One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
