Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize