dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
