Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
