In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
