if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
