We just shotgunned beers for America
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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