ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
