found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
