She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
