Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
