Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
we should paint friendship bongs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
