two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You need a sexual gate keeper
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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