I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
