Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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