his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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