People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
