i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He? As in you personified your dick?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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