it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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