You work out of a Hotel?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
