Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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