I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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