I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
