shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
