that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
