And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
