you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
