you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize