i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
