There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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