fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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