definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
