I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dicks are not precious.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
