I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
