she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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