I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
