You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
