How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
