do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
