Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
