OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
