Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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