Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize