she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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