Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
