My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
