My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
