He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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