Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
BRING THE BAGELS
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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