the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize