I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
