I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
