Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
