benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
